Pooping in front of a virtual cheerleading squad of post-collegiate nurses mid push.

Trying to keep your lady bits under cover, while your little one kicks the chevron patterned “boob curtain” off mid-brunch.

Catching a glimpse of yourself sauntering around in a post-partum corset and nursing bra set – so hot.

And best of all … mesh undies.

Need I say more?

There are many “injustices” women’s personal vanity and comfort suffer at the hands of pregnancy; most of which are ceremoniously shared amongst girlfriends, mothers and sisters over many many mocktails. These war stories are the ties that bind and the true induction into the tribe of motherhood. And yet, with all this disclosing, there is one topic so personal and so affecting that is rarely discussed. Fashion.

That’s right, beyond the magic and horror that is labor and delivery, lies a whole treasure trove of emotional baggage surrounding pregnancy and fashion. It’s something rarely acknowledged by women but it’s one of the first emotional roadblocks we hit when those two pink lines first appear.

Before pregnancy everyone woman has a style. Even those who self-describe as “functional dressers” have a style – it’s well, functional. And there’s a certain amount of comfort within that individual style; after all we’re most ourselves when we slip into our favorite cozy sweater, or don that ultra-beat up concert tee (the one we secretly stole from our old college beau). We feel sexy as hell in that pair of boots we love or comfy as hell in our best fitting jeans. Whatever the style, or article of clothing, each piece says something about us.

So what happens when we’re suddenly and metaphorically thrust into a closet that’s well, not our own? Suddenly the fit is off. The taste isn’t our own. And somehow our personal “voice” feels a bit muted.

For most women clothing is a reaffirmation about our sense of self, and a very visual declaration to the world about how we’re feeling that day – even what stage we’re at in our lives. And when there’s a sudden shift in our options we often find ourselves at a loss.

The question then becomes, how do we retain our sense of self if the reflection we see in the mirror doesn’t remotely look like us?

It’s a crucial question and one not entirely relegated to the world of pregnancy. Even drastic life changes like move to the suburbs, can have some women spinning. After a move, one friend confessed that she was depressed and unable to shop because she felt she now had to morph her style to match her new address. Meanwhile another newly pregnant friend distilled her fashion distress by confiding that she was in limbo with her changing body – although she was comfortable with her burgeoning “food baby,” the fact that she wasn’t showing yet made her feel at odds with her own wardrobe. Essentially, it had become a distraction that was in essence superseding her excitement about pregnancy.

This conversation is not uncommon and neither is the reaction. It speaks volumes about the subtle role clothing plays in our complex understanding of ourselves. Once we find we physically don’t fit into our wardrobes, we’re required to face the reality that our lives and figures are drastically changing forever. This realization, and in some cases unnerving thought, has crept into the mind of even the most maternal of women from time to time. Because the fact of the matter is that no matter how hard you tried to get pregnant or how great your love for your child is, you are still a person. And that person and life matters too and should continue to matter.

Now, historically maternity clothes have been limiting to say the least. My mother’s generation (women now in their early 60’s) predominantly focused on fading into the background instead of finding clothes that fit into their lifestyles. The unspoken understanding was that pregnant women weren’t really “going anywhere” anyway, so why the need for fashionable attire. Hello moo moo. And while current maternity fashion is attempting to buck that trend, there is still an undercurrent of conservatism that influences majority of the styles.

My own maternity fashion journey was eye-opening. My self-described “pre-baby style” was boho prep with a twist of rock n’ roll – not exactly a line Target readily carries. I liked my jeans holy, my shirts oversized and my bralettes very colorful and very visible. I loved fashion and a little bit of edge which was severely lacking in the mommy to be ready-to-wear set. Everything was solid or striped. The necklines were high. The fit was well – fitted. The jeans had no holes and the shirts had virtually no prints. It was as if the moo moo had been replaced, but the message was the same; just blend in.

Welp that was not happening. Luckily, I had spent years amassing a collection of oversized concert cutoffs and flowy free people frocks. I was hell bent on retaining my sense of fashion and ultimately my sense of self. This meant skirting the notion of maternity clothes and getting extremely creative with fit. The end result was perfect – it was well …me.

I bought regular clothes in XXL and layered accordingly. I found dresses with unique stretch that could accommodate my 45lb weight swing. I shredded my Topshop maternity skinnies and made a point of decking out each outfit with appropriately oversized accessories. I fought to for myself. I fought to make my fashion fit my lifestyle and not the other way around.

It seems like a silly thing. After all how could one piece of clothing define such an amazing and transformative stage in your life. But that’s just it. The stage is transformative enough on it’s own. Sometimes it’s harrowing, sometimes it’s amazing and sometimes it’s overwhelming – sometimes it’s all three at once. It’s a damn miracle and miracles can rock you mind body and … closet.

That said, through all this transformation and emphasis on doing what’s best for baby, there’s one piece that is key to the happiness of both host and hostess and that’s confidence. Being a mom starts the moment you find out your pregnant. From there on out you’re tasked with making extremely affecting choices on behalf of your little one. One of those choices should be to keep fighting for your self. You will change and so will your life – more than you know – so why not allow yourself some anchors or “breadcrumbs” to help you find your way back once the dust has settled (and you can tie your own shoes again).

After all being a mom is about bringing new life into this world and we can’t be the amazing “guides” we need to be, unless we hang onto our own lives as well. That said, if you don’t want to wear stripes – don’t. If you hate yoga pants (probably a smaller subsect) then don’t. Shred the rulebook and your jeans – heck you’re a mom now, you make the rules, fashion and otherwise.